Life is about change. We humans tend to change a lot in our lives: minds, outfits, hair, nails, name, friends, houses. Life is constantly changing. To keep with the ever changing world, this blog is changing. And that’s OKAY!
I have found that my regular old life is far more interesting to people.. I seem to get way more likes on instagram @14thousandfeet . So to please the masses, this blog will tell the story behind my pictures. I will still be trying to escape my shell, and I will still be trying to participate in new adventures. I am simply opening my whole self to you, my lovely readers. Isn’t that the point of losing the shell anyway?
Onwards and upwards!
This past week was full of small victories. I didn’t do anything crazy or super adventurous. But it was progress all the same. I talked to a waiter alone at breakfast and gave her baby advice ( I NEVER thought I would be able to give anyone baby advice). This was a victory for me because normally I would never tell anyone what worked for me and that maybe they give it a go; I wouldn’t want to sound stuck up and pushy. But she thanked me in the end! She told me how she had been at wits end and was so thankful for the advice. My other tiny V came as a surprise to me. I reached out to an old friend, who’d long ago fallen away, and congratulated her on accomplishing something that she had always dreamed about. I am super proud of her for accomplishing a dream and felt it important that she get recognition for it.
My progress has been slow, but it has also been steady. I am excited to see what the future holds and explore this big world without fear of other people.
Remember how Ron felt while trapped in Devil’s Snare? That is how I felt yesterday: heart pounding, throat thickening, can’t breath. I paced the house all day and even messed up dinner because I was so distracted. But at 6:30 pm I pulled on my big kid britches and left the house for my first class, ALONE. And surprisingly, I LOVED it. I had an amazing night at an art class at Bottle and Bottega Schaumburg. I painted, I laughed, and I drank wine. I talked to other people in the class and I laughed with the instructor. And to top it off? I brought home a painting that I am proud of and cannot wait to hang up! I am genuinely excited to go back and do it again.
The past few days have been stressful and a lot to take in. I am genuinely trying to “go with the flow”. What have I learned from this? I am wildly unprepared 90% of the time. I now have to get into the habit of grabbing more than my phone, wallet, and baby when I leave the house. I actually have to remind myself to grab the diaper bag, a bottle, and even a coat. I now know that the unplanned doesn’t just happen smoothly and stress-free, you have to plan to have an unplanned adventure. Does that make sense? Almost sounds contradictory, however, once you PLAN for the unplanned long enough it turns to habit. I believe that once the planning turns to habit making, this whole spontaneous life will, inevitably, be a lot less stressful.
I recently purchased a book, yes it was an unplanned adventure, about how to “get out of your head and into your life” (It is literally printed on the front cover). The book is called Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop. I am extremely excited to read it and I hope it can provide ideas on opening up to this big beautiful world.
I believe that to really start this process of becoming a more outgoing person, I must first look inside myself. I know what you’re thinking.. doesn’t an introvert often internalize things and spend time overthinking. Well that is a generalization. I cannot say that all introverts do this, it’s really more a symptom of anxiety. And yes I do it. However, I tend to block out positive thoughts of myself. I do not spend time thinking about how I feel about certain things, what I want to accomplish in life, or what I could do better. That needs to change.
I grew up with five beautiful sisters, I am the youngest. I am also a wife to an amazing man and a mother to a beautiful boy. That is the entirety of my identity. I work as nurse, I do not identify as one though. I am a little lost in life, I do not know what career path I want to take or who I would like to become. And that scares me a little bit. I do know that I want to raise a happy child and that I would like to be closer to my family. I know that I want to be able to accomplish my goals (still figuring those out) while helping my husband and child accomplish theirs.
I know that I tend to dwell on the past. Reliving mistake after mistake. I tend to over analyze a situation and worry about the outcome. From here on out, I promise to try my best to just live in the moment. I will still use critical thinking skills (they are very important) but I will do my best to just let life happen. Sometimes plans are necessary, sometimes it is just better to roll with the punches.
This next week I am not going to make plans (outside of my work and child care schedule). I am not going to worry for days about what we will eat for dinner each night or what I will clean on each days. I am not going to obsess over what is going on with my patients while I am not at work, or what my baby is up to while I am at work. I am going to go with the flow, and let life happen.
Today I am taking my first step towards becoming an extrovert. I am starting a blog. I am holding myself accountable. Becoming an extrovert is more than just talking to people (which I do, I swear!). It is also about being comfortable talking to people. This is step one in attaining that goal. I spend my days around a four month old baby and the elderly (I am a nurse). Neither of these groups incite fear into an introvert. I am going to learn to converse with all people on the spectrum of life.